Aug

20

2015

The Growing Stage

I can’t believe it’s been a whole month since I last had a blog post up. Like I said in my last post, life has just been getting way too real, too fast.

It’s like I’ve been doing a running start for the pool and now it’s getting close to the point where I’m forced to jump in and I don’t know if I’m going to swim, sink or just float in place. The pit at the bottom of my stomach is steadily growing as deadlines approach: MCAT test day, graduation, applying for grad school/jobs.

Interestingly enough, I saw an acquaintance at work the other day and remembered the fact that he was a senior while I was a freshman and now, I’m the senior getting ready to graduate. Maybe interesting wasn’t the word for that scenario; frightening is the better choice.

the-growing-stage-dezzie-darling

Everyone tells you how much fun college is going to be, but no one tells you how intimidating senior year is when you don’t have a set plan or (like me) your plan gets side-tracked. I think the scariest part about it is not having an outlet or a sounding board. I mean this in the most humble way, but I’ve always been the one that succeeded in things without trying. Well, except for sports. Everything came easy for me and I rarely ever needed help. There’s a saying that goes “God’s favor isn’t fair” but these days it seems that favor is running out. The hardest part about that is not having someone to talk to because I’m usually the one with the answers, not the questions. So now, when I actually voice my concerns, all I hear is “You’ll figure it out, you always do.” Not too comforting.

In the midst of all of the frightening things that are going on right now, I think I’m in a growing stage. In not having someone to talk to about my fears, I find that I’m listening to myself more and sometimes asking God for the answers. I like to think that a flower doesn’t gracefully emerge from the ground, it bursts through after overcoming the obstacles that no one else sees. There’s nothing graceful about this growing stage but there’s a lot to learn from it, I can feel it.

 

dezzie-darling

Filed under:Life, Twenty Diaries1

  • I’ve gone through a similar feeling before. I call it riding the whirlwind… Aka my twenties. In my thirties now and if I knew then what I know now. Ride the whirlwind and don’t push yourself to make choices that will make you unhappy. Be easy on yourself! 🙂